Sunday, December 05, 2010

I have a question

Ok, so we're reading Daniel and Esther this week in Sunday School. If you haven't at least the first few chapters of Daniel I strongly suggest you do so - the stories are mind-blowing.

Anyway, so here I am in Esther.
So Ahasuerus threw this HUGE party and invited all his peeps. His wife, Vashti, threw her own shindig for the women. The guys got really slap-happy and giggly and Ahasuerus was like "Oi! You! Go get Vashti so we can oggle her" to his servant and when the servant tells her to sashay into the King, Vashti's like "Dude. I think not!"

So Ahasuerus, being the king and therefore used to utterly getting his way like a spoiled kid was like "Hold up! That's not right! How'm I going to punish her?" and all his peeps say "You TOTALLY have to get rid of her because if you don't all the women in the country won't obey us. So kick her to the curb and our wives'll be frightened that *we'll* kick *them* to the curb and they'll obey us."

And Ahasuerus said "Tru dat" and got rid of Vashti.

Then his peeps were like "Hey, dude, you should totally have this Cinderella contest. It'd be wicked fun" and Ahasuerus said "Awesomesauce".

Are you with me so far? Keep paying attention, it gets really interesting and then comes the question.
So all the hot babes come to the palace and if they pass the round one inspection they get to go live in this house where they are "purified". Hegai sees Esther and is like "WOAH!" and gives her seven women to take care of her and gives her the best rooms in the house.

The women who pass round one spend ONE WHOLE YEAR being "purified". Yer what?

Esther 2:12 - to wit, six months with oil of myrrh, and six months with sweet odours, and with other things for the purifying of the women;

First question
I do not know what all this is about. Anyone else know?

On with the story
Soooooo they're there for a year. And then they go see the king. And here is where I get my second all-important question. Have a look at these verses here and see if you can tell me what's going on:

Esther 2:13-14

Then thus came every maiden unto the king; whatsoever she desired was given her to go with her out of the house of the women unto the king’s house.

In the evening she went, and on the morrow she returned into the second house of the women, to the custody of Shaashgaz, the king’s chamberlain, which kept the concubines: she came in unto the king no more, except the king delighted in her, and that she were called by name.


Does that sound kind of dodgy to anyone else? I mean, what are those hot babes doing for a whole night? Reading a book? Verse 17 talks about "virgins" so this sets my mind at rest somewhat..but What. The. Heck?!?!?! Bert speculates they were....dancing? My mind puts together this equation:

Spoiled king used to getting everything he wants + hot babes = ???Idon'twanttothinkaboutit???

Thoughts? I'm really hoping someone has some insight out there. Maybe some kind of "Persia's Got Talent"?


NattyBumpo said...

So, I am not familiar with this story, and I will only be able to comment from the information you have provided; but it sounds to me----In the evening she went, and on the morrow she returned into the second house of the women, to the custody of Shaashgaz, the king’s chamberlain, which kept the concubines: she came in unto the king no more, except the king delighted in her, and that she were called by name---That it is good to be King. So after he kicks the wife to the curb, he goes and gets himself a stack of hawties to take care of himself with. If they don't perform to his standards, he never calls for them again, but hey, they will be good enough for visiting guests, so he keeps them around as well. BUT, if the king likka da candy...he will ask for it by name.

Again, that is only based on the info you have given. Again, sounds like it was good to be king. ;-)

ERG said...

I am afraid that it is what you are thinking. This king (also called Xerxes) was living by HIS standards and the cultural norm- not God's.

Esther was there at God's calling to be a witness to her King/husband and people. (The persians) Yes, the results for the other women were to live out lives as concubines. Not pleasant for us to imagine (but still a better standard of living than they might otherwise have). That was not God's plan for Esther. She became Queen. It did ultimately bring the jews back to Israel from being in captivity.
It's been a few years since I have studied Esther, so I would double check this with a Bible that has a good list of cross references. Or at a website like

I loved your summary, BTW. =D Glad you are studying this!

blackjazz said...

Keely... I was searching for pictures of Loughborough chapel and stumbled across your blog. I think I still have supportive notes you used to pass to me when I was your bishop. Hope you haven't forgotten ;-) Sorry to have missed you when you and your family visited a couple of years ago. It would be great to catch up offline somehow, but I'm not sure how best to do that. Any ideas? Paul Parsons

Keeley said...

Oh my gosh I nearly fell off my chair. PAUL! I was just thinking of you today! I put up my baptismal certificate right in front of my treadmill and I was running on it this morning, looking at your signature, pondering where and how you were. Brother Hickman's name is on there too - I loved his wife so much.

Anyway. WOW! And this is the day you choose to post a hello. I'm pretty easy to find in whitepages. But you can also email me at keeleysbrooks at

Looking forward to hearing from you and dying to know all the news. =)

@Natty - if the king likka da candy? =D Esther must have made quite an impression on him then, as he married her. I doubt he got rid of his bits on the side even after he married her though. =(

ERG - Thanks for the comment. I've really enjoyed the readings this week; so fascinating.

I've been thinking this week that all the stories we love and are so compelling must have been absolutely awful to live irl. For example, Mary. She was a virtuous, righteous woman who had the honour of bearing the son of God. But my goodness the social implications of being pregnant at that time must have made her life more than a tad bit uncomfortable. The rejection of her community, the fear of being stoned before Joseph accepted her...what an incredible woman to have bourne all that.

And Elizabeth - the joy of bearing John at an advanced age, but then her husband was killed and she ended up living in the wilderness to protect John. No, not comfortable at all. =(

Anonymous said...

Watch the movie, "One Night with the King"...based on the book by Tommy Tenney whose book was based on the Bible...

Julie @ Hotlegs Runner said...

All I know is there was like a beauty pageant for the king. =)

Hi! I'm in your group for the card swap so I'm adding you t my blog roll as well =) God bless!

Keeley said...

I was tickled pink to see you were on my list too! =)

sunni said...

Keeley, why don't you talk like that in our Sunday School class? It would totally rock!!!!

Keeley said...

Sunni, I just say exactly what the book tells me to say. =D

Also...I don't you think the Bish would approve of me saying "Tru dat" and "hot babes"? =D