I just woke up from a really vivid dream. I had gone to visit Holy Joes. I knew it would be changed, but was shocked to discover how completely different it was. I hardly recognized some places.
The driveway you'd go down to be dropped off at the beginning of school - the place where Rupert lived - I forget its name now - that whole area was filled in. They'd completely buried it in order to level off the grounds.
At one point I went into what was now an infirmary. I couldn't place where I was and then I looked at the arched windows that remained, and I turned around, looked up, and there was the choir balcony. I was in the chapel. (Funnily enough, I don't think the chapel had arched windows did it? That was just a weird construct of my dream). The whole back of the chapel had been opened up and now led to the outside.
I went through the back door of the infirmary/chapel and I couldn't even tell where I was. The new architecture was greco-roman and stunningly beautiful. Absolutely gorgeous and breathtaking. The sun was shining happily. The white of the marble was blinding. The carvings, reliefs, and statues were intricate. But all I felt was grief because I didn't recognize where I was.
I looked in vain for the cloisters. I looked in vain for the lower third window where I used to sleep that looked out on the roundabout by the cloisters.
I thought about Sister Concepta and Sister Marie de Lourdes and knew they were dead. I couldn't remember the names of any of the other nuns, but I knew they were dead.
Normally I'm pretty good at analyzing dreams. But I've never been good at analyzing the ones about St. Joseph's. I used to dream about going up and down the stairs right outside the 5th form bedrooms, that lead down to the dining room, and then further on down to the basement. We didn't call it the basement - what was it called? I forget.
At first the dreams terrified me. There was something evil lurking on those stairs. But then, over the years, I quit being scared and started to explore more areas of the school. The room opposite the tuck locker where Susan and I played with dolls for endless hours. The TV rooms. The music room. The dining room and kitchen. The cloisters, the science room. All these places so vivid in my memory.
It feels to me like this dream is something different. The dreams of St. Joseph's had gone from being terrifying nightmares to this one where something I loved had been completely destroyed. It had undoubtedly been made into something much more beautiful, much more grand - it was breathtaking. But it wasn't St. Joseph's and I grieved that I would never again be able to walk through the convent that I knew.
Caroline, Fleur, do you dream about St. Joseph's? Has it done a number on your brain like it did on mine? Can you write about it in the comments? If you are in contact with any other survivors (haha =D) can you send them here and ask them to write about how Holy Joes has affected them?
It's early and I'm still in a somewhat dream-fogged state.
In other news, Bert leaves for California tomorrow. *sigh*. The good news is that he's canceled his trip to Japan in December, so he only has to go to California then - hooray! So he'll only be gone for a few days rather than a couple of weeks.
Oh well. Up and at 'em.