Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Hillsboro Middle School

Things my son said this morning:
"I don't want to go to public school" (said quietly, without real meaning)
"I think I'm going to throw up"
"I think I'm going to wet myself"
"I told myself this is going to be the worst day of my life to prepare myself"

Things I said this morning:
"You chose this" (I wish I hadn't said that one)
"I love you"
"You'll be fine, Ben"
"You'll have a really fun day, and, furthermore, I won't be there, so it'll be great" (His reason for going to public school was because it was driving him nuts being around me all day)
"Ben, if this is the worst day of your life, you'll have had a pretty good life"

I took him in because they couldn't let the bus know in time that he would need to ride it this morning. Also, they needed another utility bill. So I took him into the office, gave them the bill and said, "So, I'm good to go?" Yep, they said, you don't have to stay. So I kissed Ben goodbye, told him he'd be fine and would have a great day and that I love him. And then left.

It occurred to Andrew while we were in the office that Ben was not going to be home anymore. He wanted to go with Ben to school and go to his classes with him. It was a little shock and he was sad when we said that Ben was going to go to school like Emily now, and that we'd see him when he got off the bus. Andrew cried, but that was more because we had to go through the left-hand side door instead of the right-hand side one because the right-hand side door was locked. Or maybe the door was just the excuse for him to bawl his eyes out that Ben wasn't coming to the car with us.

I drove away and my heart was so full it crept up my throat and I had to breathe deeply to calm down. I came home and there were no cars in the driveway. I was so hoping Bert would still be here so I could have a hug. But there was no hug. So I'm writing my blog instead.

In an hour we're going to the Publix bakery for Andrew's Joy School field trip. He's so excited because he'll get to eat a cookie. Life goes on, whether Ben is at home or in public school.

It's so quiet.

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