Sunday, October 29, 2006

Jokes from my sister

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
Well, "It's NotUnusual."

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

What happened to joke number ten?

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire inthe craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why," they asked, as they moved off.
"Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18 A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal."
The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan."
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him........
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Friday, October 27, 2006

I just LOVE Rabbi Shumley Boteach. What a guy! He's SO on the money with this article. Wish I had a huge family.....but then again, maybe the Lord knew what he was doing when he sent children to us with such large gaps. Still, I wouldn't mind another sometime soon....

Sooo tired

I don't know why I've been going to bed so late recently. Maybe because the children are up and around me from 7am until 10pm and I just need some alone time. I'm exhausted though.

Just been listening to Die Arzte's "1/2 lovesong" and it's brilliant. I'll have to listen to it again.

Homeschooling is going SO well with Ben just lately. We're totally in the groove and I love it. Homeschool Ice Skating today which was fun. It was good to get out and talk to adults, and it was good for Ben to get out and hang out with kids his age or thereabouts.

Emily's been doing really well at school also. She got two As and the rest Bs on her last report card. She's been invited to be a Peer Counsellor - and is very proud of herself for that. One of her friends looked at her astonished when she told him. He said "I can imagine you in that'll say "Get over it, get up, get on with your life." =D =D She can be rather direct at times, being the insanely confident beauty she is. Swimming started today and she's really happy about that.

Halloween party at church tonight - great fun. Emily wore leopard ears, Ben was a Ninja simply because then he could have two huge swords. Andrew was the cutest dragon. =) I was the usual goth thing. Bert actually managed to make it there on time. Hooray! He's put in about 80 hours at work this week so it was good to actually see him.

Monday, October 16, 2006

My parents are here

My parents arrived last Sunday and are leaving this Wednesday. We have had an absolutely marvellous time!

Monday we toured the Factory - an old factory that has been converted into shops. It wasn't that great, so we went to Marble Slab Creamery and had an ice cream instead. =)

Tuesday we went to The Hermitage - Andrew Jackson's home. That was very interesting. He appeared to be not a very nice man, frankly. Also, slavery is an appalling evil.

Wednesday we - I forget. My Mum and I went out shopping to prepare for cub scouts. Or something like that. That evening we had cub scouts and it went quite well.

Thursday we wandered around Franklin town center whilst Ben had his art class. I took my parents to Cracker Barrel for dinner and they loved it. My Mum loved their shop as much as I do. =D

Friday we went to Opry Mills Mall and had a good wander around. I bought Andrew some Converse which he ADORES. It's a good job they fit him and I wanted to buy them because he would have thrown a fit if I'd taken them off his feet. We went to the Aquarium restaurant and had a delish meal. Unfortunately my Dad paid for it. As it was very expensive and I wasn't expecting it at all, I still feel bad about that.

Saturday was a wonderful family day. We were up early and drove to Kentucky. First we visited the Lost River Cave. After lunch at Steak n Shake we went to Dinosaur World. Andrew had a WONDERFUL time running up and down the trails. He really enjoyed himself. =) Ben liked the dinosaurs and Emily enjoyed being with the family. =) It was a really fantastic day.

Sunday was Stake Conference - the wards were split and a new ward created. We have people moving into our ward and people moving out, but we're staying in the Winstead Hill ward. I think I wouldn't have minded moving to the Thompson Station ward. Emily hasn't settled into our ward at all, and we were all kind of hoping for a change for her sake. The kids that would be in her Seminary class would also go to her High School if we were in that ward, whereas now she's the only one in our ward that goes to Independence and it makes it kind of lonely for her. Still, maybe she'll find a special friend in the new families that have moved in. Next Sunday will be interesting. =)

Today my Mum and Dad are taking Emily and Ben to see "Open Season". I'll go to the mall with Andrew and buy Christmas pressies for the family to take home whilst they're there.

Tuesday we have plans to walk around downtown Franklin again as we were only there an hour last week and managed to get in three shops. =D I think we'll plan the whole afternoon or something....

It's been wonderful having my Mum and Dad here. Andrew, especially, has taken to them. He absolutely adores them and goes looking for them first thing every morning. He will miss them terribly when they're gone.

Friday, October 06, 2006

The Amish killings upset me very much. Those poor little babies. And the equipment that man took in with him showed he had some truely appalling things in mind. Thank goodness they didn't have to experience that before their deaths. The Amish showed true Christianity by extending love and compassion to the family of that man. What a beautiful example in this often selfish world.

OTOH, the ACLU and Westboro Baptist Church are the absolute opposite of the Amish community.

I am, indeed, a raging conservative. I am also, republican. However, those are absolutely at odds with the Foley scandal, and conservative wins out. Republican or not, that man needs to be hung out, along with anyone that knew it was happening and did nothing.

OTOH, I think it interesting that democrats who had sex with underage girls (as happened a few years ago) got less air time than a republican who sent messages to underage boys.

My parents arrive on Sunday. =) =) They'll be here for ten days. HOORAY! =) We'll be going to the Hermitage and the Zoo and the Kentucky caves and hopefully to the Ripavilla corn maze. And....somewhere else. Oh yes, The Factory. Should be fun! =)

Andrew's toes are messed up. His nails are growing funny because his toes are positioned funny. We're off to the orthopedist in December. Then yesterday I had to take him to the Dr. because he had what looked like athlete's foot (but turned out to be juvenile plantar dermatitis or something). The underside of a couple of his toes were all split and bleeding and between his toes are red and flaky. I have cream to put on them and he says "Ow ow ow ow" everytime I do it. =(

Ben's homeschooling is going well. We've had a chilled out week trying to get the house ready for my Mum and Dad.

Emily is settling in just fine at school - which is more than can be said for church, darnit. =( The girls there have not been too welcoming. Emily has had her driver's licence for almost ten days now and we are all SO THRILLED about it. =) No driving her to seminary at 5.45am. No taking her to school and picking her up (about an hour drive round trip in traffic). It's wonderful. =) She's at a football game now and we won't have to pick her up at 10.30pm. Hooray!!!! =)

She is, btw, incredibly gorgeous.

Bert still works about 12-14 hours a day. I'm doing ok, but I need to lose weight. Also, I'd like another baby. It's time. I really want another baby now, before I'm way totally too old. Yesterday, my heart sank to my boots as it became clear that I wasn't pregnant this month. *sigh* =(